Single in Shanghai

Traditionally, November 11 is celebrated as Singles Day in China, a day for the unbetrothed to go out and find a significant other to share in real estate and automobile purchases with. With the influx of westerners hitting the shores over the past few decades, the nation has been introduced to a bevy of new holidays, including Valentine's Day. While most of the population will not recognize the holiday or do anything to mark its occasion, those who speak English or who try to add a little bit of the west to their lives will typically hit the town in search of the singles parties the dot the nightlife landscape.

Shanghai probably has more English speakers than any other mainland Chinese city (I can't think of another mainland city with quite so much western influence), so it should come as no surprise that the city celebrates V Day probably unlike any other city here. Nearly every bar or club throughout Shanghai held some sort of function to get singles at the bar, networking, smooching and spending money. I decided this year to accompany some friends to a singles party held at an upscale hotel to see what the scene was like at one of these parties. These friends had attended previous parties such as this and came away raving about the potential to meet eligible, attractive Chinese girls. Actually, to be more precise, they described it as more of a meat market with Chinese characteristics, where loads of aggressive Chinese girls will basically do anything they can to get noticed and find a boyfriend with a stable paycheck and a foreign permanent address.

From the start, the atmosphere was a tad strange. The tension in the air was more than noticeable, it was almost stifling. The ratio of men to women at this particular party was probably 4:1, possibly higher. Having arrived late, the speed dating portion of the evening had already ended (I was most looking forward to seeing how this would work in China, but alas). While most events the likes of a singles mixer would look to lubricate its participants with readily available alcohol, this one did not. You were given one drink token on entry and then faced with 100 Renminbi beers thereafter (RMB 100 is roughly equal to $15). So not only were the singles nervous, they were also sober.

So how would I describe the event after a week of deliberation and thought? Awkward. Shocking, right? I've got to believe anytime you fill a room with that level of desperation, to expect otherwise would be insane. At first glance, being one of a handful of eligible bachelors in a room full of Chinese girls sounds like fantasy, one where the night might end up with several gorgeous Shanghai ladies feeding you xiao long bao from their...chopsticks. Instead, it was more like 100 girls all at once trying to get you to try one of their less appetizing looking dumplings. An effective cold shoulder move was in constant use most of the night. (It was one of the few times where Ive learned a new advantage to being noticeably taller than the local population, where it is tough to look inviting when you are simply looking over everyone's head.)

As I'm writing this, I fully realize how much of a douche this makes me out to be, even though my intentions are quite the opposite. I did my very best to take into consideration those who I was talking to and to leave as good of an impression as was possible given the circumstances. I realize I probably did not do as good of a job at this as I would like to think. However, it was educational and  I did leave the party with a fair amount of added insight into the world of singles events in Shanghai. I believe next year, I'll look for alternate plans.