Best Simpson moment ever?

So, Grantland is running a piece on their staff's favorite Simpsons moments to celebrate the show's 500th episode. While all the the submissions were good and valid for their own unique reason, I was shocked to not see any mention of what is, in my mind, the greatest Simpsons episode ever, "The Lemon Tree of Troy." From start to finish, this episode is perfection. I am currently at work, so must limit the amount of time I spend finding clips to support this argument, so I'll just throw a few up and let the reader decide. Behold...







*I couldn't find a clip of my two favorite moments from this episode, when the scientist flies by on his hoverbike or the clip of Homer's infamous "Dumb like a fox" quote.

NBA All Star Weekend preview - Part 1

So the belated All Star weekend is finally upon us. While a majority of these events have historically sucked, every once in awhile something worth while comes out of the weekend and reenergizes the NBA fan base for the second half of the season.

Some interesting changes have taken place this year – some good, some not so good. First up is the Sprint All-Star Celebrity Game.

Sprint All-Star Celebrity Game

First of all, Sprint is the third largest wireless telecommunications provider in the US and had an operating income of $108 million last year. The celebrity game is the best thing you can spend your sponsorship budget on, really? How many people actually watch this piece of crap? Even when some teen heartthrob with an army of screaming tweens is playing in the game, viewership bumps up to what, a couple thousand? For fuck’s sake can’t we just put this one to bed and replace it with something people will actually want to watch, like an actual “Hoop it Up” style 3-on-3 tournament of NBA players or a playground-vs-NBA 1-on-1 tournament?

With that out of the way, this year’s lineups include a few players from back in the day, including the 46-year old Mitch Richmond and the 40-year old Penny Hardaway. Notice how I placed their ages before their names? Its to emphasize that these guys are FUCKING OLD. Penny could barely play five years ago in Miami, how much do you think he’s going to show us this year? Why not just invite Robert Parrish or Bill Walton or Bill Russell to play? Yeah, I can’t wait to tune in and watch Penny and Mitch hoist up a shitload of 3s over the heads of Ne-Yo and Vinny from Jersey Shore. FML.

*Thinking about the legends though, an intriguing idea is a Legends game. I grew up in Kansas and went to the University of Kansas. Growing up, you would hear of private pickup games between former players and coaches and word on the street was that these games became pretty intense at times. I’m pretty sure these types of games exist at all major basketball universities and it leads to the idea that old players retain that fiery drive to win. Would Kermit Washington punch Rudy T in a game 35 years after the initial incident? Only one way to find out.

I think this video proves my point.

Single in Shanghai

Traditionally, November 11 is celebrated as Singles Day in China, a day for the unbetrothed to go out and find a significant other to share in real estate and automobile purchases with. With the influx of westerners hitting the shores over the past few decades, the nation has been introduced to a bevy of new holidays, including Valentine's Day. While most of the population will not recognize the holiday or do anything to mark its occasion, those who speak English or who try to add a little bit of the west to their lives will typically hit the town in search of the singles parties the dot the nightlife landscape.

Shanghai probably has more English speakers than any other mainland Chinese city (I can't think of another mainland city with quite so much western influence), so it should come as no surprise that the city celebrates V Day probably unlike any other city here. Nearly every bar or club throughout Shanghai held some sort of function to get singles at the bar, networking, smooching and spending money. I decided this year to accompany some friends to a singles party held at an upscale hotel to see what the scene was like at one of these parties. These friends had attended previous parties such as this and came away raving about the potential to meet eligible, attractive Chinese girls. Actually, to be more precise, they described it as more of a meat market with Chinese characteristics, where loads of aggressive Chinese girls will basically do anything they can to get noticed and find a boyfriend with a stable paycheck and a foreign permanent address.

From the start, the atmosphere was a tad strange. The tension in the air was more than noticeable, it was almost stifling. The ratio of men to women at this particular party was probably 4:1, possibly higher. Having arrived late, the speed dating portion of the evening had already ended (I was most looking forward to seeing how this would work in China, but alas). While most events the likes of a singles mixer would look to lubricate its participants with readily available alcohol, this one did not. You were given one drink token on entry and then faced with 100 Renminbi beers thereafter (RMB 100 is roughly equal to $15). So not only were the singles nervous, they were also sober.

So how would I describe the event after a week of deliberation and thought? Awkward. Shocking, right? I've got to believe anytime you fill a room with that level of desperation, to expect otherwise would be insane. At first glance, being one of a handful of eligible bachelors in a room full of Chinese girls sounds like fantasy, one where the night might end up with several gorgeous Shanghai ladies feeding you xiao long bao from their...chopsticks. Instead, it was more like 100 girls all at once trying to get you to try one of their less appetizing looking dumplings. An effective cold shoulder move was in constant use most of the night. (It was one of the few times where Ive learned a new advantage to being noticeably taller than the local population, where it is tough to look inviting when you are simply looking over everyone's head.)

As I'm writing this, I fully realize how much of a douche this makes me out to be, even though my intentions are quite the opposite. I did my very best to take into consideration those who I was talking to and to leave as good of an impression as was possible given the circumstances. I realize I probably did not do as good of a job at this as I would like to think. However, it was educational and  I did leave the party with a fair amount of added insight into the world of singles events in Shanghai. I believe next year, I'll look for alternate plans.

Robert Palmer - You Are In My System (Hey Champ "Systematic" Edit)

Awesome remix from some friends in Chicago, Hey Champ. I've got their website linked over on the side. Robert Palmer - You Are In My System (Hey Champ "Systematic" Edit) by Hey Champ

VICE & Project X presents Dr. Ken Jeong

"Some next level electrosoul" - Diplo

A "strip club classic" as described by Usher, this Usher/Diplo collab is sure to inspire some bumpin' and grindin' on the dance floor. Pretty solid track, not too often that you hear a slowdown, electrodance tune. Climax by diplo

Xi Jinping: princeling enabler or peasant cum president?

An interesting piece in Foreign Policy from Chinese author and activist Yu Jie on his thought of heir apparent Xi Jinping. Most of what I've read about Xi centers on the tribulations surrounding his childhood, when his father was detained during the Cultural Revolution and his family fell into extreme poverty. These stories lend to the narrative that Xi will be the "Man of the People" that so many had hope Hu Jintao would be. A very interesting counterargument.

Empty Suit - Xi Jinping is just another Communist Party hack

3E Fatboys: 2-0!

So I play for a competitive basketball team here in Shanghai, the 3E Fatboys. Why are we the 3E Fatboys? Well, 3E is one of our very generous sponsors and the Fatboys part I guess comes from the body image problem some members of the team are currently grappling with.

We've been playing for about a year and a half now and have amassed a nice little record over the 18-month period, losing only 3 or 4 games that we can remember. We are now engaged in two leagues so far this year, the ASAS league (which we have never won, but should be contenders for this year) and the prestigious, invite-only Elite league. After our first weekend of play, we are 2-0! Nice job, right? Did I forget to mention that we defeated the Elite league defending champion by 17? Pretty boner-inspiring, I know. I've posted the recaps to the games below, you can also go to the 3E Fatboys and Shanghai Elite Basketball League websites linked on the right to follow our progress throughout the season.

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Our first weekend of ASAS and Elite league basketball ended on Sunday and the Fatboys went 2-0 in their opening weekend. Nice job Fatties. How did it all go down? Glad you asked!

On Saturday, the FBs matched up with Shanghai Hoops. And while the game never felt out of our reach, the FBs couldn’t close the deal and allowed SH Hoops to stay in it til the end. Down 10 with around three minutes to play and with Henry “Loud Noises” Wang screaming at anyone who happens to be near him, the light turned on and SH Hoops went down. Spurred by a bevy of forced turnovers and quick layups, The FBs regained the lead with a little over a minute to play. An untimely turnover by Henry gave Hoops a chance to tie. With the game tied and a series of unsuccessful attempts to score the winning bucket, the Boys were given the ball under their own basket with only a few seconds left in regulation. A crafty, no-look pass from Sean Spang to James “Did You See That Shit Go In!” Burbridge on a pick-the-picker variation ended up being the deciding basket. It was official following a whirlwind final seconds where the Hoops nearly tied it with a putback on an air-balled 3. So the Fatboys are 1-0 in the ASAS SIBL.

As for the Elite league…

Fat Boys 3e 67 vs. Chicks that Spit 49
Monday, February 13, 2012

In a rematch from the author’s first competitive basketball game in Shanghai, the 3E Fatboys come up victorious against a shorthanded Chicks that Spit. From the get go, the Boys knew the game plan: run, run, run. When the fast breaks weren’t presenting themselves, the pinpoint passes of Sean Spang and Henry Wang picked apart the Chick’s zone and presented a plethora of easy buckets. But like that semi-unstable girl who you hooked up with the night before at the “all you can drink” club and had alcohol-induced dreams of a wedding and kids, the Chicks just would not go away. Even after a 3-point dagger from Henry W. to end the first half, the Chicks were persistent and played hard ‘til the end. The wave after wave of Fatboys coming off the bench eventually proved too much for the lone substitute for the Chicks and the lead grew too large to overcome. A valiant effort nonetheless.

The Oliver Miller Player of the Game (awarded henceforth to the MVP of the Fatboy’s victories) has to go to Sean S. and his near triple-double. Other notable performances were turned in by Xiao Hao, who had to go head-to-head with the big bodied Chicks and finished with 17 pts and 11 boards to go along with numerous, uncounted blocks.

VIOLINS!!!

Epic new song from Kavinsky. Supposedly going to be on a new album later this year. Guarantee this gets used for some kind of car commercial or movie trailer within the next six months.

Chicago Bulls > Superman

Some excellent writing from Alex Banks for Hypebeast examining a possible Dwight Howard-to-Chicago trade and highlighting the faults in such a move. A sampling of the wordsmithery...

"Pairing Dwight Howard with Derrick Rose would be made up of the same steady and methodical construction as a deep-dish pizza. Built on top of a steady and thick crust boasting Tom Thibodeau’s staunch commitment to defense, Derrick Rose would still easily be able to serve opposing teams with buttery splashes of spicy finishes at the rim, leaving defenders cheesing like mozzarella. But would those two alone, paired with a suddenly undermanned bench really be able to challenge Miami in the East and OKC in the West? In short: no. It’s the Bulls core outside of D. Rose that makes them such a blue-collar charmer."

Great shit. Read the rest here...
http://hypebeast.com/2012/02/keeping-score-dwight-howard-should-wait-to-be-a-bull/

Well I'll be good god danmed, guess who's back?

All hail, Chairman Mao!

So after a 4 year hiatus (can't believe its been that long, but the date lines don't lie) and numerous requests from friends and family during my trip home, I have decided to revive and update the blog of my happenings and  goings on. Going to be the same type of stuff I wrote about before, probably more random links to shite that interests me or that I think others should see. Hopefully lots more photos taken with my new camera.

So if you want this project to survive, subscribe, share, comment, do whatever you can to let me know that you actual read my incoherent ramblings and keep me interested. It's a bit more of a hassle doing this in China, with the Great Fire Wall and all, so keep that in mind.