Oh for pete's sake

So I just received this note the other day at lunch from some 2nd year students in junior high school. Upon opening about 5-6 girls burst into hysterical laughter in the back of the room. There were other things that happened last week that I was going to write about, but I literally can't remember any of them since I got this note.

Things Ive seen my first week back

Lets see, well, my nickname at my new school is "big mammoth." they say this while pointing at their crotches. I accidentally walked into the trap of denial, thus being called "small mammoth" for one class, but its back to "big mammoth" now. (or the occasional "big snake" or "normal mammoth", I've gotten both of those too.)

Here is a list of the things Japanese students want to know when I first show up and introduce myself:

Am I married
Do I have a girlfriend?
What kind of girls do I like?
Is there anyone in school that I like?
Do I like to drink?
How much can I drink or how much does it take to get me drunk?
Have I ever had xxx drink?

And if its an elementary school, this one will also come up:

Have I ever seen a ghost/ufo?

I'm never really sure how to answer the drinking questions, but the teacher is knowingly translating the question, so I figure honesty is kosher.

And I absolutely cannot forget the highlight of my week. So class is set to begin, I'm waiting at the front of the class attempting to talk to some of the students while the teacher, Yuka, is reprimanding a student for making a mess and not cleaning it up, or something like that. A note on Yuka. The absolute sweetest, least intimidating lady you could ever meet, bar none. And shes pregnant, which may explain something about how this escalated so quickly. So from what I caught out of the corner of my eye was the kid giving her some attitude while he was cleaning whatever it was up, i.e. taking his sweet ass time, swinging his arms everywhere, making a bigger mess than what he started with. Well, she had had enough. I wasn't looking in that direction, but I heard the initial WHAP and a turn around and see Yuka giving the beat down of a lifetime to this kid with her shoe. I cannot express enough how badly this kid got his ass BEAT. Oh man...Seriously, absolutely owning his head and face with her tiny little Asics. Across the face, on top of the head, she did everything except give him a sick uppercut.So this went on for maybe 20 shocking seconds, the whole time I'm sitting at the front of the class in complete shock and awe, but semi-aware of the slight smile that is sneaking onto my face. It took every ounce of my being not to erupt with laughter at this kid. So she apologizes to me, yells at him, then he throws a bigger temper tantrum, throws the dustpan in the closet, etc. And then class begins...

Other than that, fairly pedestrian week.